AFC East Preview

Miami – Dexter

Why Dexter? - The easy connection here is the city. The Dolphins play in Miami and Dexter kills in Miami, blah, blah, blah. That whole same city thing will be used again because I’m not smart enough to ignore it. Trust me. The real reason I chose Dexter to represent the Dolphins is because I think the show Dexter parallels the Wild Cat offense. Both “came out” a couple years ago and were a huge hit. The Dolphins loved it and used it often. And why not with two backs like Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown. They took the conventional NFL offense and added a crazy twist. The problem was that the twist faded a bit after other teams tried it and didn’t fall in love the Wild Cat. Some teams will still run it, the Dolphins being one, but it just isn’t as groundbreaking and exciting as we once thought.

Dexter did the same thing. It took the regular cop show and added a psychotic twist. People kept telling me how much I’d love it. That it was better than House or The Wire. I tried to not watch it out of spite, but I caved. The first season of Dexter was fantastic. I admit it. The second season kept me interested also. I got about half way through the third, and I still haven’t finished it. It has been about three months, and I am still not chomping at the bit to see what happened to Dexter in season three. It’s sort of like the Wild Cat. It was cool at first, but for now, I’ll go back to the old boring formula of a regular West Coast offense, and regular cops like McNulty who are not serial killers. Even if they pretend to be sometimes.

Analysis - I feel the Dolphins could be a very good team this year, or could just be a six or seven win team again. Everybody is so high on Chad Henne, and I understand why, but I’m not sold. I’ve always been fond of Michigan football (yes, even being an Iowa fanatic, I can support one other Big Ten school when they don’t play the Hawks), and I hated Henne at Michigan. I’m not sure he has the chops to win a big game. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are talented, but also injury prone. Brandon Marshall is a head case, who I do not like. I think people drafting him in the second and third round of fantasy drafts will be sorely disappointed. I really think this year for the Dolphins will be decide the first couple weeks, particularly in Week 2 against Minnesota. If Henne and Brown and lead them to a win in the Metrodome, then watch for the Dolphins in the playoffs.

Favorite Player – Benny Sapp. The cornerback that came over from the Vikings has some talent and mental problems, but he did attend my beloved University of Iowa and also went to Northern Iowa, and then played for Cheifs briefly before playing for the Vikings. Sapp has had some legal troubles stemming from violence, but who cares. Football is a violent sport. It will be interesting to see how he plays without any yellow in his jersey.

Least Favorite Player – Brandon Marshall. The stunts he pulled in Denver last year were sickening. He wanted out, then him and McDaniels were fist pumping and making out at the post game conference because they pulled a couple wins out of their ass, then they lost some and he wanted out again. Grow up Brandon Marshall. I hope Dexter gets to you.

2009 Record – 7-9
2010 Prediction – 7-9

New England – Cheers

Why Cheers? - New England and Cheers are another combo that is easy to pick because of the location. But I also look at them as being similar because of the simplicity of their premise. Cheers is considered one of the best shows of all time, and rightfully so, and amazingly took place almost entirely in a bar. It wasn’t about flash, it was about the characters. The individual personalities made the show the champion of all other shows at that time. The Patriots are much the same. With the exception of Randy Moss, who they acquired in a steal of a deal, the Pats tend to get players who are considered B-listers by most NFL standards, and turn them into Super Bowl Champions. Sure, Tom Brady is the Sam Malone of the NFL now, but he was some bum from Michigan when they drafted him. (Quick side note: While I said I hated Henne at Michigan, I loved, LOVED, Brady. I’m not just saying that because he is Tom Brady. If I was a front runner, I wouldn’t admit he is my 2nd favorite Michigan QB of all time, behind Brian Griese). Bill Bellichek has a way of making a seemingly boring team into an exciting team, who uses different schemes every week to outsmart opponents and turns nobodies like Wes Welker into superstars. The only person better at this is Peyton Manning who could turn me into a 1,000 yard receiver. Love them or hate them, the Pats are a model NFL franchise, much like the Steelers, and they demand your respect. We may not know all of their names, like Ron Gronkowski, but I have a feeling after a couple weeks we will. I also have a feeling Gronkowski will love New England, where Brady will turn him into a star, and everybody will know his name.

Analysis: My quick analysis on the Patriots is that they will be good. The Patriots are much like their media-made rivals, the Colts. They both can make many or no personnel moves, and will still make the playoffs permitting Brady or Manning doesn’t get seriously hurt. I think the Pats will equal or surpass their 10 wins of last year. I’m expecting big things from Brady in year two back from injury, especially if Welker is healthy. I could see the Patriots either losing early in the playoffs or hoisting the Lombardi trophy. I will guarantee, though, they will be in the playoffs.

Favorite Player: Randy Moss. Look, I know he is a little nuts, and I also know he whistles when let out of jail, and attacks meter maids, but Randy Moss will forever be one of my favorite players because of his years in the purple and yellow. The play where he ended the half with the catch and behind the head lateral is one of my favorite plays I have ever seen, and he provided me with a lot of bragging rights among my Bears and Packers fan friends. I love you Randy Moss.

Least Favorite Player: Rodney Harrison. I know he retired, but he wins anyway. He sucks.

2009 Record – 10-6
2010 Prediction – 11-5




Buffalo – 90210 (old and new)

Why 90210? - 90210 ruled the 90’s. It was The O.C. for our older brothers and sisters or perhaps even our parents. It also gave us Kelly Kapowski with less clothes and bigger boobs, which was awesome. I admit, I never really got into the original Beverly Hills 90210, but I’ve seen a few and I know it is considered a great show, but not an all-time great because of the ridiculousness of it sometimes. The Bills in the 90’s were on the verge of being great. Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed and Bruce Smith were monsters and proven winners, just ask my Techmo Bowl game. The problem was, they never got quite over the hump. Four straight Super Bowls, and four straight losses. When reliving the 90’s, we often speak of teams such as the 49ers and Cowboys as the greats. Maybe even Favre’s Packers get thrown in there. The Bills are often not mentioned because they never became the alpha-dog of the NFL. Same can be said of 90210. It isn’t Seinfeld. It isn’t ER. It was great, but not all-time great.

Now, let’s fast forward to 2010. In all of my post-college glory, I decided to watch the first and second seasons of the new 90210 show simply because I was bored and my aunt inexplicitly bought it. It was a mess. Story lines were played out. The acting was very sub-par. It got predictable at times, but yet I sat through it because that’s what bored people do. Much like the Bills fans of 2010. They Bills are a mess. They are predictable and hard to follow, but yet Buffalo fans stick by them even in the sub-zero temps. This will be a long season for Bills fans. Maybe if the Bills do what I think they will do, and that’s be one of the worst teams in the league, the Bills fans should take a vacation to beautiful Beverly Hills. Get in a love triangle, have an unexpected pregnancy, have a drug problem, or crash homecoming. Get some excitement in the most notorious area code in America, no, not 14127 of Buffalo, but 90210. Both are a mess, and both are hard to watch.

Analysis: The Bills will not be good this year. They may be rebuilding with young players like the much-hyped C.J. Spiller, but I don’t think the results will be seen for another couple years. I’m seeing a very long and painful year for Bills fans, with not many wins to show for it.

Favorite Player: Thurman Thomas. He was really fast in Techmo.

Least Favorite Player: James Hardy. I don’t really hate the Bills WR, it’s just that he tended to torch Iowa in college, and anybody that plays football at Indiana shouldn’t be able to torch Iowa.

2009 Record – 6-10
2010 Prediction – 3-13





New York Jets – Monday Night Raw

Why MNR? - Monday Night Raw is considered a weekly episodic television show. It seems strange to consider it a weekly drama, but when you consider they have actors and writers, it makes a lot of sense. Why it hasn’t won any awards for best drama, best comedy, or most awesome show ever, is beyond me, but it is a show none the less. So why Raw for the Jets? Because of the crudeness, the toughness, and, for lack of a better word, the rawness of both MNR and the J-E-T-S. Rex Ryan is the Jets Vince McMahon. He pulls no punches, he uses bad language, and like him or not, he usually gets his way. I’m sure I could go on and on making comparisons between Jets players and wrestlers, but I’ll skip that for now. The Jets will need to channel Raw’s stubbornness and toughness if they plan on living up to the hype and the expectations they have largely put on themselves. They will also need to ignore the Hard Knock’s distractions and find their own identity. “And That’s The Bottom Lineeee, Cause Rex Ryan Sai”…no that’s not right. “Cause We’re The Jets…And We’re AWSSOOMMM”…no, that doesn’t sound like the Jets either. “Whatcha Gunna Do Brother, When The Jets”. No, too old and boring. Unless you like the Hulkster , in which cas..IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LIKE THE HULKSTER! IF YA SMELLLLLL, WHAT REX RYAN, IS COOKIN!” (And likely eating many servings of).

Analysis: The Jets are a media machine this year. They media have fed in to the hype the Jets have put on themselves. They will be a good football team, no doubt, but, remember they did only win nine games last year and needed help to get into the playoffs. Thomas Jones is gone and LT is there. I consider this a downgrade for the style of play the Jets like. LT may have a big year and shine in his third down back role, but I think Shonn Green benefited from having Thomas Jones help carry the load. Mark Sanchez is still young and his receivers, Braylon Edwards and Santinio Holmes, are kind of crazy. If Darryl Reeves doesn’t join the team, they could see more problems than many are expecting. I think they will win a lot of games (10), but I think they will struggle against the better teams and especially in the playoffs where Sanchez will have a hard time putting points on the board.

Favorite Player: Shonn Greene. Still think he got hosed in the 2008 Heisman race. My all-time favorite furniture mover and Kirkwood College student, Shonn Greene gave me some good memories at old Kinnick Stadium, so I will be forever grateful.

Least Favorite Player: Braylon Edwards. The Jets have a lot of players I don’t like, but Braylon takes the cake. As many of you know, I am a huge Cleveland Indians fan, so just by default I get some Browns news scattered in my Sports Time Ohio watching. Clevelanders hate Edwards, but were not mad to see him go at all. He was great at Michigan and could have been, and I suppose still could be, great in the NFL, but he never will be. He is a waste of talent. He is also delusional. He thinks Clevelanders hate him more than LeBron. Most of them have forgotten who Edwards is! He is an afterthought. LeBron is public enemy number one. Just ask the guy selling shirts outside Progressive Field that say “LBJ Sucks” and “The Lyin King”. The only reason people still think of Braylon Edwards is because they know how great of quarterback Derek Anderson could have been with a motivated Edwards. Nah, that’s not true. They don’t care about Braylon. Ever.

2009 Record – 9-7

2010 Prediction - 10-6