NFL West Preview

Tampa Bay – Detroit 187

Why Detroit 187? –

It looks like it could be awful, but is surprisingly good.

Analysis – This young offense could surprise some people. I like Mike Williams and Josh Freeman to have some big connections. The defense is not like the old Warren Sapp-led D, but it isn’t horrible. Six or seven wins is a possibility.

Favorite Player – LeGarrett Blount. Good right hook.

Least Favorite Player – Kellen Winslow. I don’t like warriors.

2009 Record – 3-13
2010 Prediction – 6-10

New Orleans – Jersey Shore

Why Jersey Shore? –

The Saints and Jersey Shore are sweeping the nation. Bandwagon jumpers. Katrina and GTL are everywhere. Still. Sean Payton’s visers and hair reminds me of something Pauly D would do.

Analysis – A lot of people are down on the Saints this year. They looked bad in week one against the Vikings, and really should have lost to the Vikings in the NFC Title game last year. But they won both games. Then they won the Super Bowl. They know how to win, and I don’t see that changing.

Favorite Player – Drew Brees. He really is a good guy.

Least Favorite Player – Reggie Bush. Douche.

2009 Record – 13-3

2010 Prediction – 12-4

Atlanta – The Black Donnellys

Why The Black Donnelly’s?

– The Vick era, and the Donnelly’s ended before their time, and were both pretty cool. Well, maybe not the Vick era.

Favorite Player – Michael Turner. He is going to have a big year. Maybe.

Least Favorite Player – Morten Anderson. Wait, he isn’t there anymore?

2009 Record – 9-7

2010 Prediction – 10-6

Carolina – Castle

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Why Castle? – Nobody watches Castle, except my dad. Nobody watches the Panthers either. Not even my dad.

Analysis – Steve Smith. Good. Rest of team. Bad. I hope John Fox gets fired, then gets hired as the Vikings coach next year. He went to the Super Bowl with Jake Delhomme. That's gotta mean something.

Favorite Player – Steve Smith. I just feel bad for him.

Least Favorite Player – Jonathan Stewart. He is my least favorite at least until he picks up his fantasy points. Come on Stewart.

2009 Record – 8-8

2010 Prediction – 5-11

NFC West Preview

San Francisco 49ers – E.R.

Why E.R.? – E.R. was THE show of the last 15 years or so. Seinfeld may have been the show of the 90’s, but E.R. wasn’t far behind. It is a classic and a lot of old people like it. In the waning years of the show, many people that were new to TV watching (aka youngsters) probably wondered what all the hype was about. E.R. had such a good following and was apparently such a good show that people stuck with it through the last years. The 49ers are the same way. People who have only been watching football for the last 10 years probably wonder why so many people aged 26-45 are 49ers fans. They are 49ers fans for basically three reasons (although there are others): Joe Montana, Steve Young, and Jerry Rice. The Niners ruled the late 80’s and early 90’s. They were the cool team of the 80’s, and battled the Cowboys in the 90’s to hang on to that title. Now, the Niners appear to be back on track led by Mike Singletary. Good thing some of those fans stuck around. Let’s hope Singletary’s pants stick around all year.

Analysis – To be honest, I wrote these last 12 or 15 teams analysis after the 1st week, but the records were predicted before the season started. For that reason I will not change the 49ers 11 win prediction, which looks awfully tough now. They have a ton of offensive weapons, including Vernon Davis, Michael Crabtree and Frank Gore. Alex Smith has to be terrible this year for the 49ers to miss the playoffs, but, he is Alex Smith, so that is a possibility.

Favorite Player – Patrick Willis. He is just really good.

Least Favorite Player – Alex Smith. He is just not really good. Yet.

2009 Record – 8-8

2010 Prediction – 11-5



St. Louis – Heroes

Why Heroes? – The Rams started the last decade as the “it” team in the NFL. “The Greatest Show On Turf” was poised for a long string of Super Bowl titles. They won a few, gained a lot of fans, made a star out of Kurt Warner, and even made Mike Martz look good. Then it all came crashing down. For the last four or five years, the Rams have probably been the worst franchise in professional football. They had no direction, they wasted draft picks, they didn’t win many games, and the fans quit showing up. Heroes suffered a similar fate during the last two seasons. It was the cool show for a couple years. It was THE show that ruled Comic Con. Then season three was sub-par and critics said season four was terrible. Apparently the writers had lost their way. Heroes is canceled. The Rams are still a team, led by promising rookie Sam Bradford. If they are any better remains to be seen.

Analysis – The Rams will be bad again. Sam Bradford at least provides a little interest and a reason to watch them. I wouldn’t expect many points to be scored by St. Louis unless Stephen Jackson absolutely goes off and breaks a long run every game. The defense is improved but still bad. They are finally headed in the right direction, but the results won’t be seen this year.

Favorite Player – Stephen Jackson. He is a premier back in the league, but you wouldn’t know it because of how bad the rest of the Rams have been. He apparently works really hard, on both his game and his hair.

Least Favorite Player – Chris Long. I like Howie better.

2009 Record – 1-15

2010 Prediction – 2-14



Arizona – The O.C.
Why The O.C.? – The Cardinals came out blazing for a year or two. The hottest thing in football (except the Steelers I suppose). Kurt Warner (Sandy Cohen) has resurrected his career. Larry Fitzgerald and Anquin Boldin (Seth Cohen and Ryan Atwood) were everywhere, and the Cardinals defense (Summer Roberts) was there to steal the show at times. The overrated beauty was still on the bench (Matt Lienert AKA Marissa Cooper), and was really unneeded for a good game/show. Then everything kind of fell apart. Stories got screwed up, routes were always overthrown, quarterbacks retired, characters left. The O.C. was canceled after only four of my favorite seasons of TV ever (maybe leave out Season 3), and now it appears the Cardinals window has closed after only two or three years of contention.

Analysis – The talent is there, mainly named Larry Fitzgerald, but no team can win many games with Derek Anderson taking the snaps. That is all.

Favorite Player – Larry Fitzgerald. There should be an NFL rule that if you were once a team’s ballboy, that team can use a 6th rounder to draft you. Wouldn’t that be nice Vikings fans?
Least Favorite Player – Beenie Wells. He is the Blimpe spokesperson. Really Blimpe? Really?
2009 Record – 10-6

2010 Prediction – 6-10



Seattle – Grey’s

Why Grey’s? – Obviously both are in Seattle. Duh. The other reason I chose Grey’s is that both are full of drama. Pete Carroll has brought more drama to Seattle than McDreamy. His whole “legacy” he left behind at USC is blowing up in everybody’s face, except Pete Carroll. Somehow he gets off scot free. How? I don’t know. He apparently is the McDreamy of the football coaching world. Pete can do no wrong because of his positive outlook on life. He will “Win Forever”. (Sidenote: I read the first two chapters of Win Forever, then promptly dropped it back off at the library. Terrible book.)

Analysis – I do not think very highly of the 2010 Seattle Seahawks. They looked awfully good in week one, but I wouldn’t get used to those wins. My prediction is probably low, but so be it. The Seahawks have some young talent, and Matt Hasselbeck is still effective when healthy. However, he is usually not healthy, and their young talent isn’t good enough to win many games this year.

Favorite Player – Matt Hasselbeck. Hot wife.

Least Favorite Player – Matt Hasselbeck. Crazy wife.

2009 Record – 5-11

2010 Prediction – 3-13

NFC North Preview

Green Bay Packers – Seinfeld

Why Seinfeld? –

Seinfeld is considered the best TV show of all time. The Packers are considered the best franchise of all time. Seinfeld is about nothing. Besides the Packers, Green Bay is about nothing. Michael Richards became hated after leaving Seinfeld. Bret Favre became hated after leaving Green Bay. Seinfeld had the Soup Nazi. Green Bay has football Nazis. Jerry Seinfeld wrote a bestselling book. Vince Lombardi wrote a bestselling book. Finally, all Green Bay fans from Green Bay look somewhat like George Costanza or Newman.

Analysis – I really like the Packers this year. I think their offense is improved over a year ago, and the offense last year wasn’t too shabby. Aaron Rodgers is going to have a huge year. Jermichael Finley, Greg Jennings and Donald Driver should benefit from Rodgers’ huge year. The offensive line has improved which should give Rodgers more time in the pocket. And, the defense will be good, led by recently re-signed to an extension Charles Woodson. The Pack are a scary team. I am predicting 13 wins from Green Bay this year. With that being said, with only one backup QB on the roster, that being Matt Flynn from LSU, the Packers are one Rodgers injury away from being a six or seven win team.

Favorite Player – Charles Woodson. When I was little, although I’ve always been a Hawkeye, I was fascinated by Michigan football. I think it was the helmets that got me hooked. The team with Brian Griese and Charles Woodson is my all-time favorite non-Iowa college football team. I still like Woodson and think he is one of the best defensive players ever in both college football and the NFL.

Least Favorite Player – Al Harris. He is a turd.

2009 Record – 11-5

2010 Prediction – 13-3

Minnesota Vikings – The Office

Why The Office? –

It didn’t take long to weed out the real Office fans. After about season two or three, an unexpected number of fans started turning on the show by saying it had “Jumped the Shark” and needed to end. I may be in the minority, but I thought seasons five and six were fantastic. The Office is a show that can be a week to week pleasure, without a great storyline. The acting is subperb, the characters are hilarious, and the show itself is one of my all time favorites. The Vikings are in somewhat the same boat. Everybody loved the Favre pickup, but it didn’t take long for people to jump off the ship, so to speak. Already this season, after one loss, people are saying Tarvaris Jackson is a better answer at quarterback. People love Chris Johnson (30 Rock) and forget about Adrian Peterson (The Office). People forget how great the spporting cast of the Vikings and the Office are. Jared Allen, Percy Harvin, Vinchante Shianco, Chad Greenway, The Williams’s, Sidney Rice (when healthy), and Bernard Barrian, just to name a few are about as talented as Jim, Pam, Dwight and the Nard Dog. Just because they don’t have the hype this year like in years past, don’t count out the Vikings or The Office without giving them a chance. It is Favre and Michael Scott’s last run. Those guys are capable of making it a real good one.

Analysis – I am a pessimist. 20 years of being an Indians, Pacers and Vikings fan has made me that way. I am extremely worried about the 2010 Vikings. Injuries and lack of practice has shown to be problems. Favre looks old, but Jackson is terrible. AP looks great, but Chester Taylor is gone. The receivers are solid, but Rice is hurt and Harvin had very little action in camp. The Vikings have an extremely tough schedule this year. They could match last year’s 12 wins, or they could go about 6-10 and I wouldn’t be surprised. I think the keys for the Vikings are keeping Favre healthy and getting the receivers on the same page as Favre, having either Albert Young or Toby Gerheart establish themselves as a competent backup for Peterson, and being 2-1 at the end of week three. They have a bye in week four, so they must beat the Dolphins and Lions to feel decent after three games. If they can do that, and get healthy by week five or six, they have a realistic chance of making the playoffs. If this team makes the playoffs, they have enough talent to beat anybody. The question is: can a 41 year old Favre stay healthy enough to get them into the playoffs and then perform in them?

Favorite Player – Chad Greenway. This is too hard to pick because I love the Vikings and everybody is my favorite player. I could have easily said Adrian Peterson, or Jared Allen, or Brett Favre. I chose Greenway because I like to sport my purple Greenway #52 jersey, and he is a Hawkeye.

Least Favorite Player – Brad Childress. I am making an exception here by picking the coach. This team is 1-0 with a different coach. Childress’s 2nd half game plan in New Orleans was terrible. I hate him and hope the Vikings fire him after this season, even though I know they wont.

2009 Record – 12-4

2010 Prediction – 9-7

Detroit Lions – Prison Break

Why Prison Break? – Nobody wants to be in prison. Up until recently, nobody wanted to be in Detroit. The Lions are starting to “break” the mold of former Lions teams (like that play on words?). They have finally had some good draft picks, seem to have a good quarterback in place, and some real direction in the front office. The Lions have been stuck in NFL Prison for as long as I can remember, maybe Stafford, Best and Johnson can finally break them out and into the greener pastures of the playoffs.

Analysis – I like the Lions this year. They should be 1-0, even without a healthy Stafford for the second half. Stupid fucking Bears. If the worst rule in the history of sports hadn’t ruled Calvin Johnson’s touchdown an incomplete pass, the Lions would have won an opener on the road! The defense has improved. Ndamukong Suh is a stud already. Jahvid Best has some serious explosiveness at running back. Calvin Johnson has as much talent as any receiver in the league, and Matt Stafford is getting better every week. When healthy, that is. I don’t think the Lions will make the playoffs this year, but I think they are moving in the right direction. Finally.

Favorite Player – Matt Stafford. I usually don’t like guys from the SEC, but I thought Stafford handled himself very well last year as a quarterback coming into a tough situation.

Least Favorite Player – Shaun Hill. He is terrible.

2009 Record – 2-14

2010 Prediction – 3-13

Chicago – Will and Grace

Why Will and Grace? – The Bears are gay.

Analysis – I always tend to overestimate the Bears because my lifelong sports fandom has made me a pessimist. My head tells me the Bears will be subpar this year, but my heart, which hates the Bears, tells me they could be decent and possibly make a playoff push. I would hate to see the Bears in the playoffs, even if it does mean a one and done, which it would inevitably be. The new Mike Matrz offense is a big hype machine, but really, who cares? Martz has done nothing good since taking over Dick Vermeil’s St. Louis team. Jay Cutler will put up big numbers this year. Those numbers will come in good and bad forms. A lot of yards, and a lot of turnovers. Matt Forte is overrated. He is the Giovanny Soto of football. That means his career year may be behind him. Keep in mind, Forte only had two 100 yard rushing games in 2009, both against the Lions. Chester Taylor is a good addition at the running back position. I’m not crazy about the Bears defense, although a healthy Brian Urlacher will help. I do like the receiving core of Johnny Knox and Devin Aromashodu, but I do not love them. The Bears have 8-8 written all over them, but they will get lucky a couple times, as the Bears tend to do, and win nine or ten games.

Favorite Player – Chester Taylor. I hate the fact the Vikings did not resign Chester Taylor. I think he will show Chicago fans he is better than Matt Forte. Chester runs hard, catches well, and is one of the best pass blocking backs in the league. He will be missed.

Least Favorite Player – Jay Cutler. I don’t think even Bears fans like Jay Cutler. He has more turnovers than a bakery. His smug attitude makes me wish Ditka was still the coach to slap it out of him. He has a strong arm, sure, but what does it matter when his strong passes usually fall into the hands of the opposing safteys?

2009 Record – 7-9

2010 Prediction – 9-7

NFC East Preview

Dallas Cowboys – Rock of Love

Why Rock of Love? –

Poison front man Bret Michaels was as cool as cool can be in the 80’s and early 90’s. He was the personification of a “rock star”. Then he left the lime light for many years and was thought of as somewhat of a punch line. Only the real Poison fans still loved Bret Michaels. The old ageing hipster who was not as cool as he thought he was. In the late 2000’s, Bret made a splash with Rock of Love and he was back. Bret was cool again. Women between the ages of 16 and 50 loved him, and guys (me included, as evidenced by my 2008 Halloween costume), wanted to be him. His career, while a few years ahead on the timeline, has paralled the Dallas Cowboys of the last 20 years. I know the Cowboys had some die-hard fans during the Tom Landry era who stuck with them until they became “America’s Team” in the 90’s with Aikman, Smith and Irvin, but many fans, including thousands of kids my age, became Dallas bandwagon fans. I think I saw more Cowboys starter jackets at recess than all other teams combined. After the Aikman years, the Boys had some hard times. I suppose I will give the 90’s bandwagon fans some credit if they stuck by them during this period. You are off the hook if you truly stood by the team during the late 90’s and early 2000’s. By 2008, with Tony Romo becoming a star, the Cowboys were getting some fans back and building the most breathtaking stadium known to man. This means more bandwagon fans. I applaud the fans who stuck with Bret Michaels and the Cowboys through thick and thin, seriously, I do, but even they have to admit, the bandwagoners get a little annoying. I know how it is. I met a lot more Vikings fans than ever before last season, and I saw a lot of Indians fans in 2007 that I haven’t seen since. It is tough for a real fan to see these guys jumping on the bandwagon, but it is the nature of sports fandom. So to you true Cowboys and Bret Michaels fans, touché and good luck. To the bandwagon jumpers, You are a rose thorn in my ass.

Analysis – I don’t like the Dallas defense. I don’t know a ton about them, but the last time I saw the Dallas D, they were being punished by the Vikings. Even if the defense is sub-par, this offense should be good enough to get them into the playoffs. I’m no Tony Romo fan, but with Marion Barber, Felix Jones carrying the ball and opening up the pass, and Miles Austin, Dez Bryant and Jason Witten catching his passes, he will have big numbers. I am interested to see how Bryant actually performs against an NFL secondary. Hopefully better than his mentor Deion did when he played offense. The Cowboys were a popular pick to make and win the Super Bowl a month ago. Then, the experts saw the preseason and changed their mind. I think the hate piled on the Cowboys over the last couple weeks was completely unfounded. Who gives a shit about the preseason? They will be in the playoffs and be a real contender to win it all.

Favorite Player – Miles Austin. Not a fan of his, but I have him in fantasy so he might as well do good.

Least Favorite Player – Tony Romo. Romo is getting better. I admit that. He was however anointed as an elite NFL QB without doing much of anything a couple years ago. He was completely undeserving of the praise, although he is starting to earn a little of it, but just a little. Add that to the fact I just plain don’t like him very much, and he is from Eastern Illinois, which I equate with Jake Christensen. Bad combination.

2009 Record – 11-5

2010 Prediction – 12-4

Washington Redskins – LOST

Why LOST? –

The last season of LOST was so anticipated and talked about that I could hardly contain the excitement. I would rush home from work every Tuesday and fire up the DVR to watch the newest episode, and be thoroughly confused the whole time. The Redskins 2010 season has been just as anticipated and talked about. The McNabb addition, the return of Mike Shanahan, and the Albert Haynesworth soap opera all contributed to this excitement. Just like LOST, I have no idea what the Redskins will do this year. There is many different ways I could see the Skins season going, I’m just glad one of them isn’t an alternate universe, cause that gets too confusing.

Analysis – Like I said before, I really have no feel for the Redskins. I’m predicting seven wins, but I could see it going anywhere between four and ten really. It all depends how Clinton Portis returns this year, how McNabb adjusted to his new teammates, namely Santana Moss and Chris Cooley, and how Shanahan’s defense plays, with or without Haynesworth. It is no secret that McNabb gets banged up a lot, and if he does this year, the Skins are in trouble. The backup is Rex Grossman.

Favorite Player – Donovan McNabb. I used to really like McNabb in Philly. Everybody was riding the Michael Vick train, and I steadfastly claimed McNabb was better than Vick. Always was better as far as I am concerned. I just wish the Vikings had made a play for McNabb this offseason.

Least Favorite Player –Albert Haynesworth. Come on Albert, I know your fat, and need to be large to do your job effectively, but get in good enough shape to tale Shanahan’s silly test. Eat a salad.

2009 Record – 4-12

2010 Prediction – 7-9

Philadelphia Eagles – It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Why Always Sunny? –

There really isn’t anything about the actual Eagles team that reminds me of Always Sunny, but I have learned Eagles fans are not that much more sane than the guys running Paddy’s Pub. I went to Philly this summer, and although I wish I had someone who knew the city to show me around, I wasn’t overly impressed. I would like to go again and see if with some guidance I would like it more. The people were not friendly, the city made me feel more unsafe than when I had to exit the New York Subway in Harlem, and the mall downtown by the big Paul Revere sucked. On the bright side, the cheesesteaks were awesome, Citizen’s Bank Ballpark was cool, and the waitresses at McFadden’s were unbelievably good looking. After my short time in Philly, I think Mac, Dennis and Charlie would fit right in at an Eagles game, and probably not be the craziest or rudest people there. It’s just part of Philly being Philly.

Analysis – I really like the Eagles receivers Jeremy Maclin and DeSean Jackson, and running back LeSean McCoy. However, and I may be in the minority here, but I don’t think Kevin Kolb will be a very good NFL quarterback. I just never liked what I saw from him when filling in with McNabb. That’s all I have to base my opinion on, but it wasn’t good. I still think they have an outside shot at the playoffs because of their athleticism on both offense and defense, but it will be tough.

Favorite Player – Jeremy Maclin. Maclin was extremely fun to watch at Missouri, and he still is.

Least Favorite Player - Michael Vick. He will always win this award, no matter how long he plays and who he plays for.

2009 Record – 11-5

2010 Prediction – 9-7

New York Giants – The Sopranos

Why The Sopranos? –

When I went to New York, I stayed at a Red Roof Inn on Meadowlands Parkway in Secaucus, New Jersey. I could literally see the Meadowlands from my hotel room. The River there, I believe it is the East River, made me ponder how many bodies are floating in the bottom of it. I’ll be honest, New York made me want to join the mafia. Where do I sign up? The Giants always struck me as the “mafia” team. The Jets were usually loveable, or hateable, losers, but the Giants are New York. I don’t recall what team Tony Soprano and Pauly Walnuts supported, but I would not have been surprised to have seen them walking along the East River, with the Meadowlands in the background, talking about happenings at the Bada-Bing, while both wearing Eli Manning jerseys. Scratch that, Lawrence Taylor jerseys.

Analysis – The Giants were 8-8 last year, and I don’t know if they did anything to better themselves. Eli is still a bitch. Mario Manningham, Hakim Nix and Steve Smith should be decent. Ahmad Bradshaw and Brandon Jacobs are also serviceable. The defensive line is tough. But all these things remind me of last year. With the Cowboys and Redskins improving, and the Eagles being a dangerously athletic team capable of winning some games, I don’t see how the Giants could improve by more than a game or two.

Favorite Player – Mario Manningham. I liked him at Michigan and picked him late in my fantasy draft as a sleeper. He is often overlooked and a solid receiver.

Least Favorite Player – Eli Manning. As much as I love Peyton Manning, I dislike Eli the same amount.

2009 Record – 8-8

2010 Prediction – 8-8

AFC West Preview

Oakland Raiders – Sons of Anarchy

Why SOA? – I have to be honest, I seen only one episode of Sons of Anarchy, ever. I do plan on getting caught up on the DVDs asap. I’ve heard from some reliable sources I would like it. I’m sure you wonder how I could compare a team to Sons of Anarchy since I have never seen it. The answer is threefold. First, The Raiders fans are notoriously the most rabid and frightening fans in all of sports. If any group of fans is going to form an outlaw biker gang, or likely already has formed one, its Raider fans. Second, both Sons of Anarchy and the post-Jamarcus Raiders are unknowns to me. How good are the Raiders receivers with a competent quarterback throwing to them? With a decent passing game, could Darren McFadden become the back many thought he was coming out of college? Is Robert Gallery still alive? And for that matter, is the movie Weekend At Bernie’s based off of Al Davis, who I know is a corpse? All unknowns in my book. Third, I am legitimately excited for watching both SOA and the 2010 Raiders. I kind of like the Raiders, my dad likes the Raiders and I have always liked their uniforms. Plus, I just think football is better with a good Raider team. Could be an interesting 2010 for Jason Campbell’s bunch.

Analysis – I think the AFC South is going to be won by the Chargers. Let’s not get crazy picking anybody else. With that being said, I do think either the Raiders or the Chiefs will have a breakout year. I think the Raiders are finally moving in the right direction. They are not like the Lions or Rams who had high draft picks and constantly wasted them. The Raiders picked a QB and a RB that were supposed to be can’t-miss superstars. Jamarcus is long gone, but McFadden still has time to develop into a star. The Raiders just had bad luck. I think with Jason Campbell running the ship it could be a different feeling in Oakland. I don’t know how many wins will come out of this new direction this year, but I do think they are headed in the right direction.

Favorite Player – Sebastian Janikowski. Still holds the record for most badass kicker in college football history. Not my favorite mind you, he will come later, but the most badass.

Least Favorite Player – Michael Bennett. Somehow he is still on an NFL roster after bombing with the Vikings. I don’t hate him, I just wish he would have lived up to the hype when wearing the purple and yellow.

2009 Record – 5-11

2010 Prediction – 6-10

San Diego Chargers – Psych

Why Psych? –

First of all, let me preface this by saying that this summer I decided to delve into the four season of Psych, and it was one of the best choices I have ever made. I don’t typically watch shows that my dad watches (Two and a Half Men, The Lone Ranger, Anything with Steven Segal), but Psych is the exception. Shawn and Gus may be the funniest duo on TV today. Add that with Juliet’s loveableness and Roger Dorn hitting cleanup, and you have yourself an outstanding show. So why Psych? The location connection comes into play again, since Psych is set in Santa Barbara. The real reason I chose Psych is because it is overlooked. Psych should be getting more attention and getting more positive press than it does. I understand it is on USA, which doesn’t do it any favors, but it is a very good show. The Chargers are always overlooked as well. Even though they have failed to make a Super Bowl since the Stan Humphries team that got drilled by Steve Young and the Niners, the Chargers have been a real contender for five or six years now, yet nobody mentions them in the preseason. They will make the playoffs this year, and who’s to say the chargers don’t make a Super Bowl run? My psychic ability says it is a possibility.

Analysis – Even though I like the Chiefs and Raiders to make improvements this year, I think the AFC West is the Chargers to lose. They should win this division comfortably. I went into this preview thinking the Chargers may have lost a step since last year, but their schedule is so damn easy. I still see them winning 11 or 12 games, even without LT and possibly Vincent Jackson. Phillip Rivers is a douche, but he is good. Ryan Matthews is being heralded as the second coming of LT. The receivers may not suffer too bad without Jackson. Macolm Floyd and Legedu Nene could be serious fantasy sleepers this year. Also, don’t forget about Antonio Gates. They still have Nate Kaeding kicking field goals, which is a good thing, until January. The defense is the question mark. It will certainly be good enough to get them into the playoffs, the question will be is it good enough to get them any playoff wins.

Favorite Player – Nate Kaeding. I love the Iowa boys. The best college kicker I have ever seen has become a great pro kicker. The playoff chokes of Kaeding are a fluke. I don’t like the Chargers, but I wouldn’t mind seeing them win a playoff game with a Kaeding field goal to silence the critics, for at least a week. Also, I heard Nate bought Todd Lickleiter’s old house, which is sweet. Maybe he burnt it down.

Least Favorite Player – Tie between Phillip Rivers and Vincent Jackson. I don’t like Rivers because he is a crybaby. I don’t like Jackson because I drafted him decently high in fantasy thinking he was too stupid to hold on all year and would sign by opening day. Guess I was wrong.
2009 Record – 13-3

2010 Prediction – 11-5

Kansas City Chiefs – Doug

Why Doug? –

Two staples of my childhood: Doug Funny and the Chiefs. I remember seeing Chiefs stuff everywhere as a child. I realize we are pretty close to Kansas City living in Davenport. It’s an incredibly easy drive from Iowa City. But even with the close proximity, it seemed like there was a lot of Chiefs fans in the 90’s, and they have largely disappeared. They were always an entertaining team to watch I thought, and Chiefs fans are notoriously friendly, as documented in the book “Bury me in my Jersey” about a Philly fan who went to an Eagle’s game in KC and was appalled by the friendliness of Chiefs fans. Doug Funny was always Mr. Nice Guy, was entertaining, and has largely disappeared from my life. I bet Doug was a Chiefs fan. (I’m sure you can tell I struggled to find a show to represent the Chiefs if this is the best I could do.)

Analysis – As I said in the Raiders section, one of these teams is going to have a bounce back year. I think the Chiefs get back to .500 this year, which would be a big deal in KC. The Chiefs have one of the loudest stadiums in the league, when it is sold out, which hasn’t been much lately. Matt Cassel should improve in year two of being a Chief, and I love their running game with Jamaal Charles and Thomas Jones. The receiving core should be pretty decent this year too, with Dwayne Bowe and Dexter McCluster catching Cassel’s passes. To be 100% honest, I know next to nothing about the Chiefs defense. I think the Chiefs offense will put some points on the board, so if the defense is good at all, they will win some games and be an exciting team to watch.

Favorite Player – Jamaal Charles. I like Charles because I spent a pretty high fantasy pick on his services. The second half of last year he was the second rated back in the NFL behind Chris Johnson. That will probably diminish a little bit with Thomas Jones taking carries away, but I still could see Charles having a big year.

Least Favorite Player – Glenn Dorsey. I’m not crazy about big fat guys from LSU. (See, Russell, Jamarcus and O’Neal, Shaquille)

2009 Record – 4-12

2010 Prediction – 8-8

Denver Broncos – Everybody Loves Raymond

Why Raymond? – I don’t love Raymond. In fact, I don’t even like him very much. That show was boring and considered an all time great show. Most people that do like Raymond are either old or boring themselves. I don’t like the Denver Broncos either. When I was young, I had an unexplainable hatred of John Elway. I don’t hate him anymore, but he reminded me of Mr. Ed and I just never liked him. I don’t like Denver fans. They suck. I don’t like nose bleeds or thin air. Brady Quinn and Tim Tebow are two of my least favorite college quarterbacks of all time. Raymond may have had some funny episodes here and there, and the Broncos may have had a player I liked here and there, but overall, I am not a fan of either.

Analysis – I picked Denver to win six games, but I’m starting to think that may be a little generous. This team is not good. I would understand giving Brady Quinn a chance if he wasn’t starting in Green Bay or Indianapolis, but he couldn’t hold down the starting role in fucking Cleveland! How bad can you be if you can’t start for the Browns? Knowshon Moreno could have a good season, or he could have nagging injuries all season. Hard to tell. Not crazy about any of the receivers, the tight ends or the defense. I also am not sold on Josh McDaniel. His fist pumps got old last year. Not feeling the 2010 Broncos.

Favorite Player – Kyle Orton. I have many mixed feelings about Kyle Orton. He is from Iowa and claims to love Iowa, but he went to Purdue. He was a Bear, but they gave up on him for Jay Douche Bag Cutler. He is now friends with Tebow and Brady Quinn, but he beat them out for the starting job. He usually has a sweet beard. The beard wins out.

Least Favorite Player – Tim Tebow. I was so worried a team I like (Vikings or Colts) would pick Tebow and I would have to cheer for him. Thanks Broncos.

2009 Record – 8-8

2010 Prediction – 6-10

AFC South Preview

Tennessee – Mad Men

Why Mad Men? – I watched the entire first season of Mad Men and three episodes of the second season and decided it was terrible. I just flat out do not like the show. The so-called “cliffhangers” and “mysteries” of Dan Draper are boring. The acting is decent, but I have seen better. If I had to describe Mad Men in one word it would be “overrated”. That’s kind of how I feel about the Tennessee Titans. Not so much the team as a whole, because I don’t mind the Titans and think they could have a really good season actually. I more so mean Chris Johnson and Vince Young. I have been an anti-Vince Young guy since he was at Texas. I think he is a poor man’s Michael Vick, and I never thought Michael Vick was very good. It is easy to say that now that Vick is PETA’s public enemy number one, but I really never liked his game, and for some reason, Vince Young rubs me the same way Vick did. As far as Johnson goes, I understand he is very, very good. His numbers in 2009 are outstanding, and many are saying he could match them or surpass them this season. I suppose from a fantasy standpoint it would be stupid not to pick him first in any fantasy drafts. My problem with Johnson is he hasn’t won anything. Lots of people are anointing him the next Jim Brown, or Emmit Smith, or a lovechild made by Brown and Smith. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. If Johnson has another 2009-caliber year, then I will come around a bit, but for now, let’s let Adrian Peterson hold on to the “best back in the league” trophy for one more year, even if he fumbles it.

Analysis – I have looked at the Titan’s schedule and think they could win 10 or 11 games. That contradicts what I said in the Mad Men portion, but they have a decently easy schedule, and teams are still catching on to the Vince Young-led option offense. I don’t think the Titans will do much in the playoffs if they do in fact make it, but I think with their mixture of speed and Jeff Fisher’s consistent coaching, they could be a handful all year.

Favorite Player – Kerry Collins. I love the fact he is still on an NFL roster, while his college teammate Ki-Jana Carter has been out of the league for what seems like 20 years.

Least Favorite Player – Vince Young. Never really have liked the guy. I don’t have any particular reason for this, just don’t like him very much.

2009 Record – 8-8

2010 Prediction – 11-5

Houston – V

Why V? –

Many years ago the show “V” premiered starring the guy who played Freddy Kruger (not the new Freddy Kruger played by Rorschach/Kelly Leak, but the old Freddy). It was somewhat trendy and cool and all-in-all not very successful. In other words, it was the Houston Oilers of the TV world. In 2009, ABC decided to revive the V series and designed a wide ranging promotional scheme for the show, obviously thinking it would be the new LOST. It wasn’t LOST, but it was OK. The critics and ABC execs were waiting for it to break through, to be elite. It hasn’t yet, but maybe in the second season it will pick up some steam. This is the Houston Texans of TV shows. The Oilers were no more, and Houston tried to revive football with the Texans. For a couple years now, many experts have been waiting for the breakout season from the Texans where they finally make the playoffs. It hasn’t happened yet, even though they were OK last year. The question is: is 2010 the year of V and will the Texans lost their playoff V-card? I wouldn’t bet on it.

Analysis: I’m going to go against the grain here and say the Texans win fewer games than last year. The offense is obviously going to be explosive, led by Matt Schaub, breakout running back Arian Foster, faster-than-shit Steve Slaton, and who many consider the best receiver in the NFL, Andre Johnson. The defense will be fine, with Mario Williams continuing to shut up critics about his being drafted before Reggie Bush, but they are far from a dominating defense. The big questions surrounding the Texans are: can the offense put up enough points to win games with a non-elite defense, and can they win the big games.

Favorite Player – Matt Leinart. He’s a Texan! So-Cal boy in Texas. should be interesting.

Least Favorite Player – Jeremiah Johnson. Just because I’m jealous of mountain men and their beards and ruggedness. This is the same Jeremiah Johnson right?

2009 Record – 9-7

2010 Prediction – 8-8

Jacksonville – Nip/Tuck

Why Nip/Tuck? –

Nip/Tuck came out with a bang. The first couple season were just awesome. The shenanigans of Christian. The term “fluffer”. The Carver. Kimber. It was all so new and fresh. Then it started to get weird. The Carver was the last great season of Nip/Tuck that I saw (haven’t seen the final two seasons yet). Towards the end it started to fade into obscurity and many forgot the glory days. The Jacksonville Jaguars came out with a bang also. The Mark Brunell led Jags were an exciting team to watch. The new teal color was hip (I had a Brunell jersey, I admit it). Fred Taylor was running wild. Keenan McCardell was catching Brunell TD’s. All was good in Jacksonville. Now? It’s pretty lame. David Garrard has proven to be sub-par. Maurice Jones-Drew is an elite back, but I feel like the Jags are wasting his best years. The receivers are nothing to write home about. If the Jags don’t clean up their act soon, they may be moving to LA. Just like McNamara/Troy.

Analysis – I’m quite down on the Jags this year. As I already said, I hate Garrard as a starter. MJD needs to be on a contender before his legs give out from carrying the load. I’m not crazy about Mike Sims-Walker and feel he is overrated in both real life and fantasy leagues. I do think Jack Del Rio does a good job with defenses, and this one has two Hawkeyes in Aaron Kampman and Sean Considine, so that is a plus. I think the Jags are slated to be one of the worse teams in the AFC.

Favorite Player – John Estes. Estes is a center from Hawaii on the injured reserve, Apparently.

Least Favorite Player – David Garrard. I don’t like Garrard for the simple fact he was my backup on a fantasy team and sucked. Bad.

2009 Record – 7-9

2010 Prediction – 3-13

Indianapolis – Friday Night Lights

Why Friday Night Lights?

– Even though some Dillon Panthers, or East Dillon Lions for that matter, have left the show, the one constant is Coach Taylor. Coach Eric Taylor makes Friday Night Lights one of the best shows on television, and possibly the best sports show ever. The Taylor’s are your prototypical football family. There is nothing flashy about Coach Taylor, but he gets the job done, he makes players out of scrubs, and he wins. Sound like anybody in the NFL? Peyton Manning could inherit the Eastern Illinois offense and win eight or nine games. Peyton makes receivers stars, not vice-versa. We have seen many receivers (save for Brandon Stokely’s circus catch last year) leave Peyton and fade into obscurity. Marvin Harrison leaves? No big deal. Hello Reggie Wayne. Wayne gets double teamed? Let’s usher in the Pierre Garcon era. Even Dallas Clark, who I love, wouldn’t be as good if he didn’t have Peyton throwing to him. Friday Nights Lights has a lot more drama than the Colts, but both continue to be great by riding on one persons shoulders, and I dont mean Riggins' uncomfortably handsome shoulders.

Analysis – The Colts are not being picked by many people to go to the Super Bowl this year. I don’t know if it’s because the experts just love the Jets and Ravens that much, or if it just too easy and boring to pick Indy. I am picking Indy to go to the Super Bowl. They should be the defending champions right now if not for a second half meltdown in the Super Bowl. The 2010 Colts will have a chip on their shoulder. Peyton Manning is going to lead the offense, along with Joseph Addai, Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Pierre Garcon to the AFC championship. The question surrounding the Colts centers on the defense. Will the defense be good enough to win against the good teams? With Bob Sanders back, it should be as good or better than last year. It will be interesting to see how Pat Angerer performs when Gary Brackett is not in the game. Any Hawkeye fan has to be a fan of the Colts this year.

Favorite Player – 4-way tie. Peyton Manning is the man. That’s all there is too it regarding Peyton. I saw him play in person and his passes are so accurate it is beyond belief. Then the three Hawkeyes on the team: Clark, Sanders, and Angerer, also hold a special place in my heart. If Mitch King ever starts, this may be a 5-way tie.

Least Favorite Player – Anthony Gonzalez. He is a Buckeye, which is never good, and I remember a story about him sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber or something. That’s not macho.

2009 Record – 14-2

2010 Prediction – 11-5

AFC North Preview

Baltimore Ravens – The Wire

Why The Wire? –

People you would not want to meet in a dark alley. Or a lit Baltimore street with no cops around for that matter. That is how I would describe some members of the Ravens, namely Ray Lewis, and many characters on The Wire. The Wire is probably my all time favorite drama (close with House. It’s a toss up), so it was tough for me to pick a team like the Ravens, who I am not a fan of, to be represented by The Wire. The reason I did was the grittiness and the nastyness of the Ravens defense and the Baltimore streets where The Wire was filmed. Some people say the Baltimore defense has lost a step. That may be true, considering a few years ago they were one of the best defenses in the history of football, but I still wouldn’t want to anger them. I feel the same about the city of Baltimore as a whole. I went there this summer for an Orioles game and had a great time. Downtown was beautiful, people were nice, good restaurants and all that stuff. However, I made extra sure to not make a wrong turn. I’ve heard to be cautious and I’ve seen every episode of The Wire at least three times, so I know Baltimore is rough. Our old buddies Bunk, Mcnulty and Freeman couldn’t clean up the streets of Baltimore no matter what they did. Baltimore beat the cops every time. It was unbeatable. I don’t think the Ravens are unbeatable, but I know they will be about as tough as the Barksdale gang to bring down. (Besides the gay thing, Ray Lewis is the Omar Little of the NFL. Scary).

Analysis: I think the Ravens will have a very good year and compete for a Super Bowl birth. I am big on Joe Flacco this year. I am smelling 4,000 yards from him. He certainly has the cannon to do it. Ray Rice is a do-everything back that has serious real and fantasy value. Don’t forget offensive weapons Willis McGahee, Derrick Mason and Todd Heap are around, along with additions Anquan Boldin and Donte’ Stallworth when he gets healthy, and now T.J. Houshmandzadeh. This offense could be explosive. The defense will be the defense, with Ray Lewis leading the charge as always. Big things happening in Baltimore this year.

Favorite Player: Ray Lewis. Frankly I’m too scared he would read this and then kill me if I said otherwise.

Least Favorite Player: Michael Oher. I know this is an unpopular pick because Disney decided to make him into a folk hero, but he was a real douche after the Vikings game last year when he said he handled Jared Allen. Hey Michael, look at the game film. Jared was a man that game. Maybe he missed it. Perhaps Allen did all his damage on Oher’s blindside after he swim moved around him.

2009 Record – 9-7
2010 Prediction – 12-4

Pittsburgh Steelers – House

Why House?

– The same formula every season, or every game/episode for that matter, and yet it still works. This is the story of House and the Pittsburgh Steelers. House is consistently one of the top two or three shows in TV, pumping out great episode after great episode. Dr. House and his staff do this with consistency and by sticking by the old mantra “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. The Steelers are consistently one of the top franchises in the NFL. They are also regarded as one of the best ran franchises in sports. The Rooney’s run a tight ship in Pittsburgh, much like my favorite cleavlaged boss, Dr. Cuddy. The Steelers have had a down year here and there, but are always a threat coming into the season and often on top when the season is over. House is much the same way. It could get repetitive at times, but it always sucks you in. It also helps that House’s top doctor, Dr. Foreman, is currently coaching the Steelers.

Analysis – The Steelers went 9-7 last year and were considered a disappointment. Troy Polamalu was hurt for much of the year. I argue that he is more indispensable to that team than any other player. He is one of the top two or three defensive players and unit leaders in all of football. Even with Big Ben missing four games, I think the Steelers are improved this year. Rashard Mendenhall, Hines Ward and Mike Wallace should assist starter Dennis Dixon keep them afloat for four games until Roethlisberger is back. I do wonder about their win total due to those four games and a tough schedule. I think they will win nine or ten games, but if they get in the playoffs, I know I would be hesitant to pick against them.

Favorite Player – Jonathan Dwyer. The former Georgia Tech running back played a vital role in Iowa winning the 2010 Orange Bowl. Oh, wait, you mean he wasn’t in on it? Iowa’s defense was just that good? Ok, nevermind. I’ll take Polamalu then.

Least Favorite player – Ben Roethlisberger. Seems to be a popular guy to dislike, and I never really liked him that much anyway.

2009 Record – 9-7
2010 Prediction – 9-7



Cleveland Browns – Arrested Development

Why Arrested Development ? –

The Browns have one of the most rabid fan bases in football. Win or lose, those fans are barking. Arrested Development also had some of the most loyal fans in the TV world, before it was canceled prematurely. Was Art Model pulling the strings at Fox also? Now, both loyal fan bases are waiting for a return. Arrested Development fans are waiting for the movie, and Browns fans are waiting for a team worth watching. It’s time for the movie and some more one liners from JOB and that blowhard, Tobias. It’s also time for the Browns to quit playing football like George Michael Bluth.

Analysis – I was (un)lucky enough to see the Browns family day inter-squad scrimmage this season. It was as boring as football can possibly be. Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace didn’t look especially sharp. Colt McCoy didn’t do anything impressive either. The bright spot was Josh Cribbs, who is as exciting with the ball as anybody in the league. I do not expect big things from the Browns this year, but I do think they are moving in the right direction. If Delhomme gets some of his swagger back and they find a way to integrate Cribbs into the offense they could be dangerous, but I’m not counting on it.

Favorite Player – Josh Cribbs. He is like Dante Hall 2.0, except cooler. Hall always gave me a nerdy vibe, Cribbs is anything but nerdy.

Least Favorite Player – Seneca Wallace. I have hated Seneca Wallace since he pulled the Iowa State victory out of his ass against the Hawkeyes in the great Brad Banks season. I hope Matt Roth lays some ill-advised hits on him at Browns practices.

2009 Record – 5-11

2010 Prediction – 4-12

Cincinnati Bengals – Fringe
Why Fringe? – I like Fringe. I watched the first season on DVD and plan on watching the second when it comes out. It wasn’t my favorite show ever, but Walter is amusing and Joshua Jackson triple-deaked his way into my heart many years ago as Charlie Conway. But, let’s be honest: Fringe is fucking weird and fucking confusing. It is interesting but boring at times. It is smart but stupid at times. It could be great one week and a mess the next week. I’m picturing the 2010 Bengals a team that will have a serious identity crisis from week to week, like Fringe. This Ochocinco and TO combination is just asking for controversy. I could see it working for a bit, but it has to explode at some point, doesn’t it? There are not enough touches for both of these guys, and Carson Palmer is not the Carson Palmer of 2006 anymore. It will only take a couple hung-out-to-dry passes over the middle, or overthrows down the sidelines by Palmer for TO to pout, do some sit-ups in his drive way and possibly OD on pills. These guys seem more like a ticking time bomb than a team to count on to make the playoffs. One thing I think we can count on is Cincinnati being a strange place to be, kind of like a Fringe alternate universe.

Analysis: I have actually heard some arguments that this Bengals team could be better than the 10 win team from last year, and they were convincing arguments, but I just can’t look past Palmer’s deteriorating skills (along with TO and Ochocinco being another year older) and think they will win 10 games again. The defense could be pretty tough, and the offense could be potent again if Cedric Benson has another good year, but there is too many question marks, and it is the Bengals afterall. When have the Bengals ever been the picture of consistency?

Favorite Player – Abdul Hodge. It is just too easy to pick former Hawkeye legends for my favorite players, but I don’t really “like” anybody on the Bengals. I don’t like them from a fan standpoint or fantasy standpoint, so congratulations Abdul. This is the best thing that has happened to Hodge since he left Iowa City.

Least Favorite Player – TO. I have never liked him, and likely never will. I do remember when people said he was better than Randy Moss. TO was never, nor ever will be, better than Randy Moss. He had a better system and better QB in Philly when Moss was wasting away in Oakland, but if they switched teams Moss would have still had better numbers. Ever since that long-over debate, I have had a sour spot for TO. Moss > TO.

2009 Record – 10-6
2010 Prediction – 8-8

AFC East Preview

Miami – Dexter

Why Dexter? - The easy connection here is the city. The Dolphins play in Miami and Dexter kills in Miami, blah, blah, blah. That whole same city thing will be used again because I’m not smart enough to ignore it. Trust me. The real reason I chose Dexter to represent the Dolphins is because I think the show Dexter parallels the Wild Cat offense. Both “came out” a couple years ago and were a huge hit. The Dolphins loved it and used it often. And why not with two backs like Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown. They took the conventional NFL offense and added a crazy twist. The problem was that the twist faded a bit after other teams tried it and didn’t fall in love the Wild Cat. Some teams will still run it, the Dolphins being one, but it just isn’t as groundbreaking and exciting as we once thought.

Dexter did the same thing. It took the regular cop show and added a psychotic twist. People kept telling me how much I’d love it. That it was better than House or The Wire. I tried to not watch it out of spite, but I caved. The first season of Dexter was fantastic. I admit it. The second season kept me interested also. I got about half way through the third, and I still haven’t finished it. It has been about three months, and I am still not chomping at the bit to see what happened to Dexter in season three. It’s sort of like the Wild Cat. It was cool at first, but for now, I’ll go back to the old boring formula of a regular West Coast offense, and regular cops like McNulty who are not serial killers. Even if they pretend to be sometimes.

Analysis - I feel the Dolphins could be a very good team this year, or could just be a six or seven win team again. Everybody is so high on Chad Henne, and I understand why, but I’m not sold. I’ve always been fond of Michigan football (yes, even being an Iowa fanatic, I can support one other Big Ten school when they don’t play the Hawks), and I hated Henne at Michigan. I’m not sure he has the chops to win a big game. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams are talented, but also injury prone. Brandon Marshall is a head case, who I do not like. I think people drafting him in the second and third round of fantasy drafts will be sorely disappointed. I really think this year for the Dolphins will be decide the first couple weeks, particularly in Week 2 against Minnesota. If Henne and Brown and lead them to a win in the Metrodome, then watch for the Dolphins in the playoffs.

Favorite Player – Benny Sapp. The cornerback that came over from the Vikings has some talent and mental problems, but he did attend my beloved University of Iowa and also went to Northern Iowa, and then played for Cheifs briefly before playing for the Vikings. Sapp has had some legal troubles stemming from violence, but who cares. Football is a violent sport. It will be interesting to see how he plays without any yellow in his jersey.

Least Favorite Player – Brandon Marshall. The stunts he pulled in Denver last year were sickening. He wanted out, then him and McDaniels were fist pumping and making out at the post game conference because they pulled a couple wins out of their ass, then they lost some and he wanted out again. Grow up Brandon Marshall. I hope Dexter gets to you.

2009 Record – 7-9
2010 Prediction – 7-9

New England – Cheers

Why Cheers? - New England and Cheers are another combo that is easy to pick because of the location. But I also look at them as being similar because of the simplicity of their premise. Cheers is considered one of the best shows of all time, and rightfully so, and amazingly took place almost entirely in a bar. It wasn’t about flash, it was about the characters. The individual personalities made the show the champion of all other shows at that time. The Patriots are much the same. With the exception of Randy Moss, who they acquired in a steal of a deal, the Pats tend to get players who are considered B-listers by most NFL standards, and turn them into Super Bowl Champions. Sure, Tom Brady is the Sam Malone of the NFL now, but he was some bum from Michigan when they drafted him. (Quick side note: While I said I hated Henne at Michigan, I loved, LOVED, Brady. I’m not just saying that because he is Tom Brady. If I was a front runner, I wouldn’t admit he is my 2nd favorite Michigan QB of all time, behind Brian Griese). Bill Bellichek has a way of making a seemingly boring team into an exciting team, who uses different schemes every week to outsmart opponents and turns nobodies like Wes Welker into superstars. The only person better at this is Peyton Manning who could turn me into a 1,000 yard receiver. Love them or hate them, the Pats are a model NFL franchise, much like the Steelers, and they demand your respect. We may not know all of their names, like Ron Gronkowski, but I have a feeling after a couple weeks we will. I also have a feeling Gronkowski will love New England, where Brady will turn him into a star, and everybody will know his name.

Analysis: My quick analysis on the Patriots is that they will be good. The Patriots are much like their media-made rivals, the Colts. They both can make many or no personnel moves, and will still make the playoffs permitting Brady or Manning doesn’t get seriously hurt. I think the Pats will equal or surpass their 10 wins of last year. I’m expecting big things from Brady in year two back from injury, especially if Welker is healthy. I could see the Patriots either losing early in the playoffs or hoisting the Lombardi trophy. I will guarantee, though, they will be in the playoffs.

Favorite Player: Randy Moss. Look, I know he is a little nuts, and I also know he whistles when let out of jail, and attacks meter maids, but Randy Moss will forever be one of my favorite players because of his years in the purple and yellow. The play where he ended the half with the catch and behind the head lateral is one of my favorite plays I have ever seen, and he provided me with a lot of bragging rights among my Bears and Packers fan friends. I love you Randy Moss.

Least Favorite Player: Rodney Harrison. I know he retired, but he wins anyway. He sucks.

2009 Record – 10-6
2010 Prediction – 11-5




Buffalo – 90210 (old and new)

Why 90210? - 90210 ruled the 90’s. It was The O.C. for our older brothers and sisters or perhaps even our parents. It also gave us Kelly Kapowski with less clothes and bigger boobs, which was awesome. I admit, I never really got into the original Beverly Hills 90210, but I’ve seen a few and I know it is considered a great show, but not an all-time great because of the ridiculousness of it sometimes. The Bills in the 90’s were on the verge of being great. Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas, Andre Reed and Bruce Smith were monsters and proven winners, just ask my Techmo Bowl game. The problem was, they never got quite over the hump. Four straight Super Bowls, and four straight losses. When reliving the 90’s, we often speak of teams such as the 49ers and Cowboys as the greats. Maybe even Favre’s Packers get thrown in there. The Bills are often not mentioned because they never became the alpha-dog of the NFL. Same can be said of 90210. It isn’t Seinfeld. It isn’t ER. It was great, but not all-time great.

Now, let’s fast forward to 2010. In all of my post-college glory, I decided to watch the first and second seasons of the new 90210 show simply because I was bored and my aunt inexplicitly bought it. It was a mess. Story lines were played out. The acting was very sub-par. It got predictable at times, but yet I sat through it because that’s what bored people do. Much like the Bills fans of 2010. They Bills are a mess. They are predictable and hard to follow, but yet Buffalo fans stick by them even in the sub-zero temps. This will be a long season for Bills fans. Maybe if the Bills do what I think they will do, and that’s be one of the worst teams in the league, the Bills fans should take a vacation to beautiful Beverly Hills. Get in a love triangle, have an unexpected pregnancy, have a drug problem, or crash homecoming. Get some excitement in the most notorious area code in America, no, not 14127 of Buffalo, but 90210. Both are a mess, and both are hard to watch.

Analysis: The Bills will not be good this year. They may be rebuilding with young players like the much-hyped C.J. Spiller, but I don’t think the results will be seen for another couple years. I’m seeing a very long and painful year for Bills fans, with not many wins to show for it.

Favorite Player: Thurman Thomas. He was really fast in Techmo.

Least Favorite Player: James Hardy. I don’t really hate the Bills WR, it’s just that he tended to torch Iowa in college, and anybody that plays football at Indiana shouldn’t be able to torch Iowa.

2009 Record – 6-10
2010 Prediction – 3-13





New York Jets – Monday Night Raw

Why MNR? - Monday Night Raw is considered a weekly episodic television show. It seems strange to consider it a weekly drama, but when you consider they have actors and writers, it makes a lot of sense. Why it hasn’t won any awards for best drama, best comedy, or most awesome show ever, is beyond me, but it is a show none the less. So why Raw for the Jets? Because of the crudeness, the toughness, and, for lack of a better word, the rawness of both MNR and the J-E-T-S. Rex Ryan is the Jets Vince McMahon. He pulls no punches, he uses bad language, and like him or not, he usually gets his way. I’m sure I could go on and on making comparisons between Jets players and wrestlers, but I’ll skip that for now. The Jets will need to channel Raw’s stubbornness and toughness if they plan on living up to the hype and the expectations they have largely put on themselves. They will also need to ignore the Hard Knock’s distractions and find their own identity. “And That’s The Bottom Lineeee, Cause Rex Ryan Sai”…no that’s not right. “Cause We’re The Jets…And We’re AWSSOOMMM”…no, that doesn’t sound like the Jets either. “Whatcha Gunna Do Brother, When The Jets”. No, too old and boring. Unless you like the Hulkster , in which cas..IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU LIKE THE HULKSTER! IF YA SMELLLLLL, WHAT REX RYAN, IS COOKIN!” (And likely eating many servings of).

Analysis: The Jets are a media machine this year. They media have fed in to the hype the Jets have put on themselves. They will be a good football team, no doubt, but, remember they did only win nine games last year and needed help to get into the playoffs. Thomas Jones is gone and LT is there. I consider this a downgrade for the style of play the Jets like. LT may have a big year and shine in his third down back role, but I think Shonn Green benefited from having Thomas Jones help carry the load. Mark Sanchez is still young and his receivers, Braylon Edwards and Santinio Holmes, are kind of crazy. If Darryl Reeves doesn’t join the team, they could see more problems than many are expecting. I think they will win a lot of games (10), but I think they will struggle against the better teams and especially in the playoffs where Sanchez will have a hard time putting points on the board.

Favorite Player: Shonn Greene. Still think he got hosed in the 2008 Heisman race. My all-time favorite furniture mover and Kirkwood College student, Shonn Greene gave me some good memories at old Kinnick Stadium, so I will be forever grateful.

Least Favorite Player: Braylon Edwards. The Jets have a lot of players I don’t like, but Braylon takes the cake. As many of you know, I am a huge Cleveland Indians fan, so just by default I get some Browns news scattered in my Sports Time Ohio watching. Clevelanders hate Edwards, but were not mad to see him go at all. He was great at Michigan and could have been, and I suppose still could be, great in the NFL, but he never will be. He is a waste of talent. He is also delusional. He thinks Clevelanders hate him more than LeBron. Most of them have forgotten who Edwards is! He is an afterthought. LeBron is public enemy number one. Just ask the guy selling shirts outside Progressive Field that say “LBJ Sucks” and “The Lyin King”. The only reason people still think of Braylon Edwards is because they know how great of quarterback Derek Anderson could have been with a motivated Edwards. Nah, that’s not true. They don’t care about Braylon. Ever.

2009 Record – 9-7

2010 Prediction - 10-6

NFL Preview

I have neglected my blog for too long. It is less than a week away from what I usually consider the unofficial NFL opening game on Thursday night, but since it is a Vikings game this year, it truly is my opener. After the success (and by success, I mean the enjoyment I got out of reading, since nobody else did) of my MLB preview where each team was represented by a WWE wrestler, I decided to do something similar for the NFL. Each team will be represented by a past or present television show. There will be an explanation of the representative, followed by a very brief analysis of each team, my favorite and least favorite player on each team, and my record prediction for each team. It should be interesting and completely wrong by week 8 or 9. o strap in, because it is NFL preview time!