1-5

5) The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase

The Million Dollar Man will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year, and still works for the company, but never held a belt higher than the Tag Team Belts with partner IRS. That point could be debated if you consider "The Million Dollar Belt", which was badass, but was never officially recognized by the WWE. Dibiase was an excellent wrestler and was a master at making the fans hate him. Despite almost buying the WWF (Sometimes I just can't say WWE without crying a little bit) Heavyweight Championship from Andre the Giant, which was denied by WWF officials, The Million Dollar Man never sniffed the title. One of the classic heels in WWF history, and he couldn’t even win the Intercontinental belt? Come on! If his son can carry on the Dibiase name as well as the original Ted Dibiase did, he should get some title love. Money, money, money, moneyyyyy.

4) Razor Ramon

Things I have read or heard about "The Bad Guy" Razor Ramon, or Scott Hall as his birth certificate says, are usually not too kind. Bret Hart felt Razor was not a skilled wrestler and put other wrestlers in danger with his Razor's Edge finisher. But I say fuck that. Razor was a fan favorite and competed in one of the most memorable matches I can recall from my childhood in Wrestlemania X against Shawn Michaels. That ladder match for the Intercontinental Title was the only title Razor ever held in the WWE. My question is, love him or hate him, how can a guy put on such a great match, such as the ladder match at Wrestlemania X, and not be pushed for a main event title match?

3) Kane

This may seem strange to think about since Kane has held almost every belt possible in his 13 year WWE career, but I felt like his potential was never reached. Kane and Undertaker matches were always interesting because of the back story and the sheer size of both men, but they never meant much of anything on a grand scale. Kane only held the WWE Championship Title for one day before Stone Cold took it back. For the last seven years Kane has fought without his unique mask, which always made him more mysterious and badass. If I were in charge, Kane would still be masked, fighting for titles, and having an on-going, though not always evident on the surface, rivalry with the Undertaken until Kane was ready to hang 'em up, where the Taker could finish him once and for all. Instead, we have to see the bald head of the former dentist Issac Yankem fighting people such as Evan Bourne and making us wonder why we have never seen Kane and Uncle Fester in the same place at the same time.

2) Mr. Perfect

Curt Henning, known as Mr. Perfect, was not the flashiest of wrestlers, and didn't have the greatest gimmick..but..he was just cool enough for kids to like, and he was just dirty enough for adults to hate. IT also helped that Perfect was a tremendous wrestler, and his finisher, the Perfect Plex, could easily be done to neighborhood kids while wrestling in the park. Perfect only held the Intercontinental Championship twice, but is considered one of the best champions ever. He died in 2003 and was also inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. So why did he never headline any pay-per views? Good question. A Perfect versus Bret Hart match would have been a classic. As would have a Perfect against Macho Man rivalry. Maybe Mrs. Elizabeth has a thing for Perfect? It is conceivable. Either way, before his injuries slowed him down, the WWF should have recognized his greatness and gave him more main event matches.

1) Papa Shango

Papa Shango was perhaps the most under-used wrestler of all time. I say this because who didn’t think Papa Shango was 1 part frightening, 1 part totally fucking sweet. We learned later he wasn't a horrible wrestler, as Kama and The Godfather got a bigger push than Papa (all three the same guy). His voodoo thing he had going with The Ultimate Warrior would have been far better received if the Warrior wasn’t a total douche (even though I still love the character of The Ultimate Warrior). Papa Shango could have been a big time villain, putting spells on people from The Undertaker, to Hulk Hogan, to Vince McMahon himself. Shango should have been a top-tier character because every person in the arena watched him when he walked down the aisle. There is no doubt, Papa Shango was gone before his time, and was not near utilized enough during it.

10 superstars who should have been better

I was reading through the greatest book ever made, The WWF (WWE) Encyclopedia, and I found a lot of guys who never really reached the potential I felt they had as WWF superstars. These guys might have been extremely popular and held some belts, but these are guys I always felt should have been given more of a push because of an awesome storyline/awesome characters.

Honorable mentions: The Brood - Probably could have been way cooler if Gangrel was not an awkward semi-fat guy named David Heath. The Powers of Pain - Warlord and Barbarian were monsters and every kid in the late 80's early 90's couldn't understand why these guys always lost. They had the look, just never really excelled as a tag team or as singles competitors.

Here we go..

10) Marty Jannetty

I know that Jannetty was not the talent of The Rockers or even The New Rockers, but I believe if he wasn't passed out at a strip club high on crank during the mid to late 90's, a Jannetty return to have a rivalry with Shawn Michaels would have been epic. Shawn is a good enough wrestler to carry a classic match with Jannetty and everybody would have loved to see The Midnight Rockers go head to head for the WWF belt. Obviously Michaels would win this match, cause Jannetty could never carry the title, but it would have been quite a good storyline. Now Jannetty sounds like one of those people who smoke out of the hole in their neck, and quite honestly, he doesn't look much better.

9) Golddust

Here is a guy who held three different belts (Intercontinental, Hardcore, and Tag-Team belts with Booker T) but he could have been an even bigger star if pushed correctly. He has the wrestling gene, being the son of Dusty Rhoades, and was always an entertainer in the ring. His character was just creepy enough to scare people, and just cool enough for kids to like him. The gold suit may have been a little gay, but the face paint was always solid, and the finisher, along with "shattered dreams" always brought the house down. Golddust is now an afterthought on ECW and acts like an idiot week in and week out, but I feel that in the late 90's Golddust could have had some great matches with the likes of Stone Cold and The Rock.

8) Boogeyman

I don't know much about The Boogeyman, in fact, I never saw him wrestle because in his time (2005-2008ish) I wasn't watching wrestling, but he looks CRAZY AWSOME. His prematch ritual may have been the coolest entrance in all of wrestling besides the Undertaker. I youtubed some matches of his, and he was somewhat entertaining in the ring. I wish the WWE would bring him back and scare fans again.



7) Raven

Raven came to the WWE as this hyped Cobain-like star of ECW but he never really panned out in the WWE. He was a depressed maniac, and that usually makes for good tv, but in Raven's case it didn't. Raven only stayed in the WWE for about two years, and during these two years was apparently Hardcore champion 27 times. I'm not sure how that works, but the record shows 27 times he held that. He should have came over after being ECW champion and been instantly vaulted to a premier superstar, instead he was a little depressed bitch, who had lost his edge that made him so popular.

6) Kamala

Come on, look at Kamala and tell me he should have been such a pussy. No way this guy was such a pushover. He should have been Abdullah The Butcher reincarnate. Instead he was more like One Man Gang with a tribal skirt. Granted, he got some title shots to Hulk Hogan in 86 and 87, ad lost the first ever "casket match" against The Undertaker, but he never won anything. Kamala never won a belt, not that he needed one to hold up his 18 year old girls Halloween costume of a skirt. Still, this guy has fans. Me being one of them. He had the look of a classic monster bad guy, and had the size to convincingly hold his own against the best in the business. He should have gotten some type of title in his career instead of always failing.

Things I Don't Get

4) Shitty Haircuts

What the fuck is so hard about giving a man a haircut?!? I walk into Great Clips and the "stylist" who is cutting my hair, who obviously just got done smoking a whole pack of Virginia Slims, asks me "So do you like it longer on top?" "Well Yes I do" I say. "Maybe a half inch off?" she asks. "Well I don't know, lets take off a little and see how it looks" I suggest. She proceeds to damn near buzz my head. Lady, I will take this pound of hair you cut off, which started as 1.2 lbs of hair, and shove it down your throat so you can smoker hack it back up. Now I look like a 12 year old Lloyd Christmas and Great Clips is $15 dollars richer. Want to know what to do with all those old people who start to lose their minds and are thought to be no longer a benefit to society? Get them a fucking job at Great Clips or Cost Cutters.

5) People Who Refuse Medicine

Does anybody else have a friend who wont take aspirin for a headache? Or tum-tum-tum-tum-tummsssss for a stomach ache because then "next time I will be dependent on medicine". Maybe I'm the only one who has friends like this, but if I'm not then that sucks for society. What in the hell is wrong with becoming "dependent" on medicine for a headache? Will the 1.99 for 5,000 ibuprofen pills break your bank? Are you worried 2 pills every 3 or 4 weeks will eat the inside of your stomach? Medicine is developed for a reason...IT WORKS. "hey man, don't use hand warmers when its 45 degrees out, then when its colder your hands will be even colder" I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! I want warmth and health right now. So be it if I have to take penecilin next time I get the clap. I'm going to fight it now. Hey Daniel Boone, its 2010. Take medicine.

6) Wilco fans

I'm pretty open to musical tastes. I have almost 7,000 songs on my ipod and know the words to probably 5,000 of those songs. I love everything from Blink to Journey to Jay-z to Joshua Radin, but I can not, for the life of me, figure out why people have been jumping on this Wilco bandwagon. They have joined the ranks of bands such as (take a deep breath before you get angry) DMB, U2, and The Doors as being bands who are liked because of their aura instead of their music. I'm sure alot of people disagree, but DMB sucks and U2 has made 2,000 albums and have a grand total of 2 good songs. The Doors? Jim Morrison lives, they are no cooler than Van Morrison. I've seen The Doors concert at The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and it is god awful. So back to Wilco. Who anointed these guys the college band of the douches of the 2000's? They sound like Bob Dylan forgot how to write music and lyrics, wasn't singing songs with a message, and still has a shitty voice. It doesn't help that Rolling Stone has Wilco shit every other page, but then again, Rolling Stone has gone to shit since around, ohhh 2002ish. Quit trying to sell me on Wilco. My neighbors garage band sounds better than that, and his band doesn't have all kinds of fucking nerdy fans trying to tell me they are the second coming. Fuck Wilco.

Things I Don't Get

1) Female Announcers

I was watching the Georgetown-Villanova game today on ESPN. At the time Nova was ranked #2 and Georgetown #8. They had a female announcer. COMEON ESPN! You mean to tell me a top-ten battle couldn't get better announcers! She said Scottie Reynolds was "Absolutely not" athletic! I understand she was trying to speak to his work ethic, but I don't think an all-Big East guard is not athletic. I'm not sexist, I'm all for equality. I propose a new law: If a ranked team is playing another ranked team in men's basketball = only men announcers. If two ranked women teams are playing each other = only women announcers. This is only fair. Plus, I'm not going to be watching those women's game anyway most likely so I wont have to listen.

2) Flip Flips

I know I'm in the minority in this one, but raise your hand if you enjoy something being wedged between your toes? No? People don't like that? OK, let's try this, who likes when your shoes are so loose that they slap your feet when you walk? Again? No one? I got one more. When in a wild chase from psycho killers, who likes to run fast without having to take your shoes off? Again nobody? What the heck?!? .... Then why does everybody insist on wearing flip flops whenever the weather is above 40 degrees? I understand their practicality when walking on the beach or perhaps at Wacky Waters Water Park, but other than that give me my Nikes or DC's and lets each release a bull and see who outruns it.

3) "DJ's" in Iowa City

Hey. Hey Bro. Can you play "My Heart Will Go On" By Celine Dion? "Nah, Brah, I'm playing my own remixes tonight". That is a typical conversation I would have with a "DJ" in Iowa City. I have yet to see a DJ in IC using a turn table. I have also noticed that every DJ has the same mixes. Don't pretend I'm not on to your tricks. I know these mixes can be bought for .99 on itunes. You are not Omar Epps from Juice. You are not sitting at home mixing records on your turntable. You have Cd's and Itunes. "Gotta have good transitions bro". Sure transitions are key, but couldn't that be done in one day, but I have noticed the same songs always follow each other which tells me IT IS THE SAME GODDAMN MIX I HEARD LAST WEEK! What makes a good DJ? I'd say playing what the people want. You make one group of people happy for 3 minutes by playing "Rockin the Suburbs" you have done your job as far as I'm concerned. We all know the sluts on the dancefloor are so wasted they will dance to the sound of chickens being slaughtered as long as it has a beat behind it. So fuck your "mixes". If limewire goes under your DJ "career" is over. Quit toting yourself as DJ Skribble 2, nobody wants to hear a mix between Fergie and Gwen Stefani, they are basically the same anyway. Play what people request and everybody will be happier. Better yet, get a touchtunes. Or, even better yet, get Casey Kasem to DJ at your bar. The people get what the want, and I can send a long distance dedication to my girlfriend throwing up in the bathroom.

The Tortured Iowan - Geoff Estes

I have a picture somewhere of me in an old Vikings sweatshirt and LogoAthletic Vikes hat sitting on a prop bike with E.T. in the basket. It was some attempt Sears made at making a photo-op for parents who enjoyed making their children hate their life for a few seconds. So of course, my aunt dragged me and my brother along to get a picture flying E.T. to the moon or wherever the fuck E.T. was from. The point is that when I was still young enough to pose on a fake bicycle with a fake alien, I had already sealed my fate as a tortured, heartbroken, Vikings fan.

I was born in 1985 and I contend that it is damn near, if not entirely impossible to chose a more heartbreaking group of favorite teams since the year I graced the Earth. Me and my brother got a full set of 1990 Topps football cards. I got a Herschel Walker card when he was with the Vikings. At the time, I didn't know we sold our whole franchise, along with a Viking horn and a autographed picture of Ragnar the Viking to the Cowboys for Herschel. This card, for some reason (I liked purple and yellow, I admit it) became my favorite card. I soon learned my beloved Grandpa was a Vikings fan...Done. I was a Purple People Eater for life. Little did I know this would lead me to be walking through the Iowa snow on a late January Monday in 2010 considering if I would be better off if I jumped into the Iowa river instead of going home and watching PTI and Sportscenter continue to punch me in the balls all afternoon. My other two teams..not any better.

I have a short dad. He couldn't be taller than 5'5. Had he been taller, he might have been playing some minor league ball somewhere or collegiate basketball somewhere in his day. Even with his verticle challenge, he went to Burlington Junior College in Burlington, IA and roomed with a 7 foot black man from Detroit. This giant later told the basketball coach at Burlington that he could be without his center unless "Shorty", my dad, was also on the team. I'm not sure what happened, but I do know that later when my mom and dad got married, right next to my dad on the alter was a seven foot former professional basketball player. This beast of a man? None other than "The Beast" Mel Daniels. The same Mel Daniels who went on to be a member of some ABA Champion Pacers teams and has his number 34 hanging from the rafters in Conseco Fieldhouse. This led to me being taken to numerous Pacers games by my dad when I was little, seeing a Pacers versus Iversons playoff game the last season at Market Square Arena and getting to meet my all-time hero Reggie Miller (along with other personal favorites Mark Jackson and Rik Smits). Vikings. Check. Pacers. Check.

You are probably going through your head thinking who could be the icing on the cake to go with these two teams...well look no further than Charlie Sheen. Yes I admit, I may have had stellar ITBS scores, but I wasn't always the brightest. I thought Rick Vaughn was my favorite player. Granted, I was only 5, but I was sucked in to being a die-hard, fever-pitch style, headdress wearing Tribe fanatic.

Indians, Pacers, Vikings. Go ahead and bring on the contenders of more heartbreaking franchises since 85'. You can't do it. Cubs? Puh-lees. The Cubs have gotten rational fan hopes up exactly once. Against the Marlins in 2003 with the whole "Bartman" game. While we are on the subject, I would like to officially change it from "The Bartman Game" to the "Alex Gonzalez" game. I'll send around a petition. But the Cubs are not a very heartbreaking franchise. The Lovable Losers are far from lovable. The fans sell out Wrigley, but that's not for the team, its for the atmosphere and beer. Cubs fans are what I call 2 week fans. They are huge Cubs fans the first week of the season, and the last (but only if they are in contention). I honestly think some Cubs fans don't want to win a World Series then they would realize their true identity as fans of a high-spending bully team that everybody else in the country hates because they whine too much. Just ask the Red Sox fans.

Bills? Sure they lost for SuperBowls in a row, but they really only had a chance to win one of them, and since then have been awful. I do epitomize with Bills fans though. They don't even get 8 home games anymore. Browns? Hard to be heartbroken when you only win two games a year. I'll leave these arguments for you, I'll make a brief case for my three teams.

Pacers - 1993-1994 against the Knicks. Despite Reggie's heroics, heartbreaking. 1995 against the Magic. 1998 - outplaying the Bulls and losing in OT of game 7. 1999 - the Larry Johnson four point play. 2000 - Playing neck and neck with the Lakers, only to lose in OT in game 4 and never recover and lose the series 4-2. Having the best team in the NBA (seriously) in 2004 and losing EVERYTHING in the brawl. 2005-2008 a downward spiral of violence, guns and strippers. 2009-2010 the Larry Bird era of the Great (Terrible) White (Slow) Team. Never won an NBA Title

What could go worse? - I saw a mock draft that had us taking Cole Aldrich from Kansas. I might tryout myself if this happens because I will fit in with everybody on that team - slow, white, shitty.

Indians - Losing every year until 1994. 1995 Series against the Braves. 1997 - Jose Mesa. I cried. 2001 - Pedro kills the Indians 2002-2005 watching the team dismantle. 2007 - the Red Sox 3-1 lead being blown. 2008 - The C.C. trade. 2009 - The everybody trade. Cliff Lee vs. C.C. in the World Series game 1. Second longest World Series Title drought in the Majors.

What could go worse? - Finishing last place behind K.C. seems realistic in 2010. 1 and 2 pitchers are sinkerballers. One coming off Tommy John, the other walks every other batter. Oh No.

Vikings - 1988 - Darren Nelson game. 1997 - The Gary Anderson game where the Super Bowl was all but handed to the Vikes. 2001 - Getting blown out 41-0 by he Giants in the NFC championship. 2006 against the Cardinals and Poole sending the Pack to the playoffs. 2010 - 2 weeks ago. The Saints game. Still not quite over it. 0-4 in Superbowls.

How it could get worse? - Favre retires, Tarvaris Jackson becomes the starter and the window of opprotunity is slammed shut, ending with the "12 men in the huddle game". Then Brad Childress is caught on tape selling candy to children out of a big purple windowless van.

Pray for me. If something tragic happens in the next 12 months, I might be the guy kicking his directtv dish out of the ground in the front yard.

Tortured

Iv decided it is time for me to bring my opinionated ideas to a blog. Iv been an intense sports fan for my whole life and couldnt have picked three worse teams to be a fan of: The Vikings, Indians, and Pacers. These choices will all be explained in due time, likely when I make my case for the most heartbroken sports fan born after 1985. That will come later. Now I have to go watch the new Michael Jackson movie to either learn some dance moves or have my dreams haunted by MJ for the next few nights.

Iowa Basketball Has Gotten Off "Point"

I’m going to go out on a limb, and say that Tracy Webster and Anthony Grant are thanking their good fortune right about now. The logical question would then be “Who in the fuck are Tracy Webster and Anthony Grant, and why are they lucky?” Tracy Webster is the interim head basketball coach at Depaul and Anthony Grant is the head basketball coach at Alabama. These two programs might not be national powerhouses at the current time, but both have shown improvement over the last few weeks, which usually means the program has some future promise. So again, why are they lucky? Well it’s simple: they have a common recruit that backed out of his commitment. That recruit: Cully Payne.
I am as big of basketball, and in particular Iowa basketball, fan as any 24 year old in Iowa. I went to games with my dad when I was little. I used to even go to the “Black and Gold Shootout”, (which is Iowa’s version of “Midnight Madness”, only it’s held after a home football game). Before I was a student at Iowa I would regularly make the drive up from Davenport in the Iowa February cold to see a game inside Carver Hawkeye Arena. I even made the trip to Indianapolis in 2006 for the battle for the Big Ten Tournament trophy which Haluska, Brunner, Horner and the rest of the boys brought back to Iowa City. Now I live five minutes from Carver…I have been to four games the last two years, and that’s only because the games were free to students.
So, let’s combine these two ideas: the lucky coaches from Depaul and Alabama, and the demise of Iowa basketball. Cully Payne committed to Depaul University when he was in eighth grade, but later withdrew from that commitment. He then committed to Alabama, but when Mark Gottfried got fired, he withdrew from that and committed to the Hawkeyes. Is it any coincidence that Jerry Wainright and Mark Gottfried are not coaching at Depaul and Alabama anymore? The news around Hawkeyeville was that Iowa got a highly touted point guard recruit from Schaumberg. Any fan who has watched Iowa this year consistently and knows basketball, I mean really knows basketball, (doesn’t just watch the highlights and regurgitate whatever the announcers and Sportscenter anchors say (which is 90% of the people I know who “know” sports), know that Cully Payne is not a D-1 point guard. I don’t mean to sound like many of the angry Iowa fans out there, but this point guard situation this year is a disaster. I have found myself rooting for Todd Jr (John Lickleiter) to come in the game because I feel our “offense” runs better with him in the game. I’m still not convinced we have an actual offense, as I think Iowa is leading the universe in shots fired up with under two seconds on the shot clocl
The Big Ten Network announcers have been heaping on the praise for Payne. I’m not really following their logic. The whole “He is the freshman leader in minutes played in the Big Ten!” argument seems to be a popular one. Look, I’ve coached high school baseball and softball and I have learned something. Write this down then put a little dashy and put Geoff Estes by it “Sometimes a program’s success is measured in how little the sub-par players are required to play”. Just because Payne is averaging over 30 minutes a game, that doesn’t make him an impact freshman in the conference, it makes Iowa’s backcourt GOD AWFUL. Through ten Big Ten games, Payne’s stat line looks like this:

Min – 30.9/gm, Fg% - .317, 3pt fg % .200 (6-30), Ft% - 57.9%, Rebounds – 3.1/gm, Asst – 32, Turnovers – 34, Steals – 4, points – 6.9/gm

Look at those stats for a minute. More turnovers than assists. A terrible 3pt percentage in an offense that focuses on the threeball. Only four steals for a point guard, who isn’t even guarding the best ball handler on the other team because that responsibility has fallen to fellow freshman Eric May, who has guarded Even Turner, Manny Harris, and Demitri McCamey the last three games. I looked everywhere for a +/- for the Hawks, but when I couldn’t find one, I figured it wasn’t a big deal since every player is probably in the minus area. Apparently they also do not have stats for average feet a jump shot gets off the ground because Payne’s would be about 10.7 feet. If there was an average “jump passes” per game, Payne would be around 54.4/gm. And if they had stats for time spend dribbling with strong hand (in Payne's case left) it would be about 98.9%.
So where is this animosity coming from? Honestly, it isn’t aimed at Cully Payne. He is probably a good guy and is making the most of his abilities. I’m more so wondering where the basketball sense has gone that used to belong to the Iowa coaching staff and the announcers and writers who cover Iowa basketball. Jeff Peterson was far from an all-conference point guard last year, but I dare someone to say he wouldn’t be playing 40 minutes per game if he hadn’t transferred out (transfers are a whole ‘nother problem for this program that I will get carpal tunnel if I get into). I’m getting worried that when I leave the University of Iowa and move back to Davenport, or wherever I end up, that I will never want to make that freezing cold drive back to Iowa in the winter to see a packed Carver Hawkeye Arena. Bring back the days of Mike Henderson, Dean Oliver and Andre Woolridge. Bring back the days where I don’t feel like I could lace up my high school basketball shows and go toe-for-toe with our starting point guard. Bring back the days of bounce passes and positive assist to turnover ratios. Bring back the days of…(gulp)…Alford.